Dealing with Your Emotions when Falsely Accused

One of the hardest things for people who have been falsely accused of child abuse to realize or to understand is that their emotions can easily end up leading straight to their downfall.

When I am working with a client who has been falsely accused of abuse, the first thing I want to evaluate is their personality and the amount of damage the trauma of being falsely accused has actually caused them emotionally. It would be somewhat impossible for an accused not to be depressed and paranoid, but the real question is, to what extent?

If a person has a major depression, one that affects even their eating and sleeping routines, then you can depend on the fact that it can also affect their thinking and their ability to rationalize or think logically. That is not the best frame of mind for an innocent person to be in when they are trying to defend against something as serious as a sexual abuse allegation.

In most every sexual abuse allegation, the case will ultimately come down to he said, she said and who has the credibility, the accuser or the accused. One is telling the truth and one is not.

The big question is, how does one determine who is telling the truth? Who actually has the credibility? Unfortunately, in most cases, a false allegation is made by a child and when a child makes such an allegation, many believe it is the truth simply because a child said it. The point here is, the child will usually have more credibility than the accused simply because they are a child.

Also unfortunately, many individuals who are accused fail to deal with a depression they suddenly find themselves with and, in doing so, they can easily come across as having no credibility and they can actually appear to be guilty.

Now, I did not write the rules and I am sorry that they exist the way they do, but the fact is, they do exist. A child, making an allegation of abuse, will automatically have more credibility than the person they are accusing simply because they are a child. The person being accused will usually be seen as being guilty as soon as the allegation is made. That is obvious on most reports you will read from either the authorities or social services when they refer to the child as the "victim." A child who makes an outcry is not a "victim," but rather a complainant. The term "victim," whether used in a report or during a trial, implies that "it happened."

Now, when a child makes an allegation of abuse, as stated, it is not unusual for the accused to quickly develop a depression. Obviously, the first issue should be to determine the extent of the depression and then find the proper means to treat it. Having a major depression and refusing or failing to deal with it can:

Make an accused appear guilty - It is impossible for an accused to say that they are innocent with any real conviction when they are in such a depressed state that all they want to do is run away, hide or, in some cases, die. The real problem is, how does a person with a major and untreated depression come across to others? In many cases, they come across looking guilty. In addition, there are those who will believe they are guilty just because of the depression. That is not uncommon. A person with a major depression usually does not act the same way others are used to seeing them act. A person who is normally upbeat and in-charge then suddenly changes and comes across as a frightened child could easily be seen as being guilty.
Cause you to go into a self-pity mode - I see this frequently. "Oh, poor me." "The justice system is so unfair." "They don’t have a case, all they have is her word." "Why is this happening to me?" When an accused is locked into this "mode," they will not have the ability to think or rationalize properly and at that point, they usually could care less about building a defense. Oh, they may yell, "I am going to fight this," "I am not going to take this," or "When this is all over, I want to be an advocate for others" but normally that is simply a lot off hot air with no substance. False allegations of abuse happen and so does real child abuse. When real child abuse happens, it usually happens in secret. There is no audience and normally there is no corroborating medical evidence or DNA. What do you tell that child that reports their abuse? "Sorry, we cannot believe you because we don’t have anything but your word." That is so absurd and irrational. Again, a person with an untreated and major depression usually never gets serious about defending or correcting anything until they are convicted and sitting in prison. As stated, it will be somewhat impossible to build a workable defense because the person you need at the center of that defense, the accused, is unable to function or even think properly. While you build a defense, they sit there crying, "poor me," and as stated, that is the last person you want sitting on a witness stand.
Not think logically or rationally - These people usually have a very limited ability to analyze anything properly, and much of what they will attempt to do is usually wrong and could easily end up putting them at risk. Usually, they will want everyone else to take care of their problems and since the case against them is "so unfair," many will spend their time plotting revenge against their accuser and the system rather than honestly assisting in preparing a defense that could save their lives. Many of these people are easy to anger and most have constant mood swings. Usually, they will not listen to anyone or to reason. To them, they have no problem, everyone else does. To these people the irrational becomes rational. They just want their nightmare to end and they will do anything in their power to avoid dealing with their case. The sad part is, they cannot avoid their case and many wake up as they are standing beside their attorney in a courtroom and their trial is beginning. Obviously, it is a little late at that point.
Poor results from psychological evaluations - Testing they take could produce very negative results to the point where some professionals might believe they are guilty simply because of the results alone.

The fact is, a real professional will not psychologically test someone they know has a major depression that is not under control.

So, how does one treat a depression like this? With anti-depressants. There are quite a few on the market and many times your family physician can prescribe them for you. Now, understand this; the drug does not "cure" the depression. All it does, when it is working properly, is to mask the symptoms, but that brings the person back to normal in most cases. The depression will usually run it’s course over time, but when the "symptoms" are no longer present, you can eat and sleep properly, think logically, walk away from "poor, pitiful me," and fight properly. Only then will you even begin to start building your own credibility.

When treating a depression, it usually takes a month to 6 weeks to find if there has been any success. If not, the health care provider may consider increasing the dosage or beginning them on another medication. If several attempts are made with no results, consider seeing a psychiatrist. This is a medical doctor who has the ability to write prescriptions and who should have a superior knowledge in identifying, dealing with and treating depressions. Once your depression is honestly under control, there will be a great difference in you, the way you feel and your desire to fight.

I have dealt with some clients who simply refused to acknowledge they had a depression, even when a medical professional told them they did, or simply believed that they could handle things themselves. From these people, look for, "Well, I have turned it all over to the Lord." Boy do they change quickly when they are thrown into jail in shackles. Then they yell loudly, "Get me out of here." They just never believed it could have happened to them.

For me, when I am working with a client, it is critical to find out the extent of their depression and have it treated. There is no doubt in my mind that my client will ultimately be sitting on a witness stand in front of a jury. The last thing I want them to be sitting there with is an untreated severe depression or wrapped in self-pity.

When my client has been falsely accused of abuse by a child, I know the following:

Prior to trial, most professionals on the other side of the case will believe the child was molested and that my client is guilty.
At trial, the charges against my client will be read to the entire jury panel before the jury is even picked and at that point my client will usually be seen as guilty.
When the child testifies, they will normally have credibility simply because they are a child. Many people on a jury will not hold prior inconsistent statements against a child unless they are absolutely absurd.
That my client will be under the microscope the entire time their trial is being conducted and everything they do or say could be problematic.
That my client must testify and that the jury must believe them.

Approximately 25% of the work I do consists of working for people who have been convicted based on a false allegation of sexual abuse. In working many of those cases, I have been very fortunate to have been able to speak to various people who have served on juries that convicted them. During my interviews, one of my main concerns is, "Why did you vote to convict?" The number one answer I have gotten is, "They did not testify." The number two answer was, "They didn’t show any emotion," or "They showed the wrong emotion," such as crying and they believed it was phony. Now, attorneys will argue this until they are blue in the face. Many just flatly refuse to accept it as the truth. Their reasoning is, they spend so much time explaining:

My client does not have to testify.
The defense does not have to put on any evidence, the State has to prove their case.
You cannot hold it against my client if I keep them off the stand.

The fact is, when a jury begins to deliberate, many times they do what they want to do, regardless of what they have been told or in some cases, without considering jury instructions. A jury that heard a child tell them an adult sexually molested them and not one word from the accused to dispute or deny the allegation is apt to convict. They heard only one story and that is what they go with.

In realizing the above, I need to make my client a "star," so to speak. They must have knowledge of exactly how to conduct themselves in court during trial and on the witness stand. They must have the ability to testify properly and to respond to questions without getting caught in prosecution traps. There is far more involved in preparing the accused for trial than simply telling them, "Well, if you testify, just get up there and tell the truth."

When I am building a defense and working with a client, depression is a very real issue that we must deal with and it may not just be an issue with the accused. As an example, say a man is accused of molesting his niece or granddaughter. One of the most critical people in his support network will be his wife. Say his wife does not believe he did it, but she does have a serious depression that she is dealing with. It could have been caused by the allegation itself or it could be the result of some other issue, but if she comes across as being angry and defensive, that could easily be seen as, "She thinks he did it." Obviously, that could lead to serious problems.

If you defend someone who has been falsely accused of child sexual abuse, you will be fighting an uphill battle if you are going to be successful. That means preparing your client and making no mistakes. You cannot afford any. You will have to overcome great odds. Think carefully; if a case of this nature goes to trial and a jury acquits the accused, that means that they had to call a crying child a liar. That is a very hard pill for many to swallow, but again, for there to be an acquittal, the accused must have more credibility than the accuser. You get that credibility by strategy and work, not by mistake. You win or lose these cases well before you walk into a courtroom, so the old saying, "Let’s just see what happens before we get excited," just ain’t making it! About 75% of a successful defense in these cases will rest with the accused!

If you have been falsely accused of child abuse and you believe that you have a major depression that is affecting you or preventing you from honestly preparing or assisting in your own defense, see a doctor, be it your family doctor or a psychiatrist. Allowing such a depression to go untreated could result in a conviction and lengthy prison sentence even when you have done nothing wrong. You life and future are worth far more than a "macho-ego" belief that you can handle everything by yourself.

You have accessed one of the many pages here at the Cowling Investigations, Inc., a False Allegation Defense Website. For an explanation of how we assist our clients who have been falsely accused, see Our Expertise, We Can Help. If you have been falsely accused, see What to Do - What Not to Do When Falsely Accused.