I have prepared this webpage because of the numerous cases that I have become involved in during the past several years where:

Unfortunately, many fathers become involved in custody cases after they have threatened to take their children away from their wife or ex-wife. One client even went so far as to tell his wife, "I'll get the kids because I can out-spend you." That statement ended up costing him dearly. What he did not realize when he threatened his wife was that all his threats went straight down the toilet when an allegation of child abuse was made against him. In reality, it cost the wife nothing, financially speaking. The authorities, social services and the State prosecutor got involved while she sat back and grinned. Suddenly, his threat of "out-spending" her and taking her children ceased to exist.

In many cases like this, the accusing child:

The issue here is, why are there no criminal charges? Normally, the answer is simply that the child has not reached an age where they have the ability to make a credible outcry. Most unfortunately, in many cases a father is lulled into a false sense of security as he continues to fight for his right to see his children, believing there is no danger since there are no charges. After all, to the father, "If the State had anything they would have charged him." What the father is not aware of is that usually the State, social services, therapists and sometimes a Guardian ad Litem (a court appointed attorney who is supposed to represent the best interest of the children - GAL), are simply playing a waiting game, keeping the father away from the child or children as much as possible, until the child has the ability to make a credible allegation and once that time arrives, expect indictments. The child must be able to make their allegations in a Court setting and that is not an easy task for a 4, 5 or sometimes even a 6-year old.

In many of these cases, I have seen a mother make an initial outcry, then a therapist make an additional allegation on behalf of the child. I have seen cases where social services non-founded allegations, then the child's therapist turn right around and make a second outcry. The point is, the therapist believes the abuse is true and they will continue to yell that until someone listens to them.

Most experts who deal with sexual abuse allegation cases have noted an alarming increase in the number of unfounded and false child abuse allegations made in the past 10 years within the context of contested divorce, child visitation and child custody issues, yet there is very little acknowledgment of the fact that there will most probably be serious emotional and psychological consequences when a non-abused child is treated as a genuine victim of abuse.

Making allegations of abuse in custody cases can be very complex and problematic to mental health professionals because there's a lot of overlap between the types of symptoms and behaviors that are displayed by an abused child, and the kind of behaviors displayed by a child in a highly contested divorce. It's often not possible to draw a clear conclusion in these cases.

The current literature supports that neither art or play therapy would be of any value whatsoever in determining whether a 3-year old child has been sexually abused. Research also supports that young children, especially around the age of 3, are highly suggestible and that can be very problematic even in cases where no one is intentionally trying to influence the child, but they are inadvertently influencing them.

Just creating an expectation for the child that something bad has happened will cause a 3-year-old child to give you a report of something bad that has happened, whether that bad thing actually occurred or not.

Children who have been coached or influenced do not repeat back the information in a mechanical way. They often embellish. They take what they were told or overheard as an accurate statement, then add to it, and those allegations are very difficult to detect as being false. This is one of the things that makes the accuracy of a 3-year old's self-statements highly unreliable. In addition, the more times the child is questioned, the less accurate they're going to be in terms of the information they provide and in most of these cases, multiple interviews are the norm.

It's often said that it's easy to detect whether or not a 3-year old child is providing false reports. That is completely wrong. It is, in fact, quite difficult to tell, and there are numerous research studies that indicate that highly-trained professionals can't tell.

In many cases with very young children, some "professionals" attempt to use play therapy and/or art therapy to show that the child was abused. While they may be able to show that a child is upset, that is not a sign that they have been sexually abused.

Also, statements about the frequency in which the child engages in sex play with either dolls or other objects is usually misunderstood. The normative data about children's behavior in terms of sex play indicates that it's highly frequent, even among normal children. The Mayo Clinic did a study on this several years ago.

It's also not unusual for children to become preoccupied with various bodily functions, again something some professionals attempt to use to "prove" a child was abused. In cases where there is a highly contested divorce, a child is not seeing and possibly has not seen their father for months and, assuming you are talking about a 3-year old child, there is also a possibility of toilet training issues. These are more than ample to explain a child's preoccupation with poop, as is noted in some cases.

A "professional" who in reality is nothing more than a validator, is usually looking at behaviors that occur with children that have been abused. This can create a condition referred to as confirmatory bias, meaning that we have an opinion about something, and now data comes in, and we plug that data into our preconceived notion about what's going on. In this atmosphere, behaviors that are normal, for example a child touching his penis, a child being preoccupied with poop, which may be perfectly normal or a result of some anxiety, immediately become interpreted into a context of preconceived notions that this is all sexualized behavior and that the child has been sexually abused. That creates a real problem and bias and it affects the way the "professional" approaches the case overall. If you are looking for the truth in these case, always look for a possible alternative hypotheses.

As a perfect example, I have seen psychologists take a witness stand and tell a jury they believe a child was molested because that child has all the symptoms and characteristics of a molested child. Well, right off the bat, that is improper testimony and has been seen so problematic that it alone has reversed convictions. There are no symptoms or characteristics of a molested child or a child molester. They simply do not exist. Here is the key. Again, assume you have a professional on the witness stand and they are asked, "Doctor, explain the symptoms you are talking about." Normally they will respond, "Oh, they fail in school, they become very belligerent and they have night terrors." Obviously, the follow-up question for the defense would be, "So, Doctor, you are telling this jury that only sexual abuse would cause those specific symptoms?" There goes the doctor's testimony.

Now, there are additional concerns in these cases. I have seen cases where an allegation was made by a mother, it was not supported by the child and custody was awarded to the father. In many of those cases, the father is so grateful to have their child that two things begin to happen:

To a child, that would appear to be the ideal situation, however, it is far from it. Without discipline, or with a half-hearted effort at it, a child loses respect for the father and that can be far more dangerous than the father will ever realize. Now, add to that they "give the child whatever they want" and you can easily end up with a child who is fully aware that they run the show. If that gets to be the case, the next question becomes, "Could a mother coach or coerce that child into making an allegation of abuse against the father?" Absolutely, and most especially when they have tried previously and failed. They never lose their desire to make the allegation so the only question to them would be, what position would their child have to be in for it to work? Obviously, a child who is very mad at their father, going to weekend visitation with their mother, who has already attempted an allegation of abuse, could be the ideal setting for a false allegation. Now, understand something important. Many people think that a mother in these cases tries to sit down and tell the child what to say. That is usually not the case. A mother could take one of two possible approaches, or possibly even both. A mother could "fall apart" emotionally in front of the child and convince the child that she is going to suffer greatly without her, or the mother could simply tell the child, "Don't you remember when daddy did such and such?" Just that alone could lead the child into making a full disclosure. It happens.

There are many reasons for false allegations of abuse, but when you are dealing with a very young child, consider all options before you automatically jump to a sexual abuse conclusion.

Now, how does a father in this position come out on top? Well, that rarely happens for many reasons, but the main reason is, "How do you fight an allegation from a 3-year old?" Usually, attorneys will have their clients take a polygraph or complete some form of psychological or psychosexual testing. That is rarely accepted by the other side. The other side has usually made up their mind that the father molested the child, they are not interested in the results of any testing the father initated, took and paid for, and the case usually just keeps going on and on until one day, out of the blue, and when least expected, the child makes a credible allegation, the father is indicted, arrested and either enters a plea or goes to trial.

Obviously, there is a way to turn this around for the father and for the father to win, but it takes time, strategy and expertise. This is normally not done because you must be patient in some areas and most fathers, who are forced to deal with false allegations, usually have very little patience, if any. The father can survive, but it will come from preparation and thinking outside the box. Unfortunately, I do not make our procedure public because success depends, for the most part, on the father's personality and their willingness to proceed with strategy and not anger. Attempting our method without careful planning and consideration can quickly lead to disaster, including additional allegations of abuse, possible indictments, criminal trials and a possible conviction.

For additional information on this subject, please see The Father and Child Custody in False Allegation Cases.

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